Bah Humbug Guide to Christmas

December 5, 2009

So far the Christmas spirit has not managed to sneakily creep up behind me and grab me.  I flounce past shop decorations with a nonchalant shrug.  I have no tree (well at least not a shopped down especially dedicated Yuletide variety anyhow) and there is no tinsel in sight.  I have bought no cards and do not intend to either.  Usually, there is someone who you hardly know who attempts to shame you into some Christmas card showdown by faux merrily handing you a card.  Many people then get caught up into a last minute dash to buy a 50 card bumper pack to hastily repay the favour.  I have no intention of being shamed into some mass Rain forest deforestation program for the sake of some annoying Hallmark ritual.  Just now a package landed with a thump inside my door.  On closer inspection it contains a selection of 25 different hand-painted Christmas cards, together with a slip for entering your credit card details and donation pack.  In true Scrooge mode, I am thinking to myself, Honey why should I donate my lustily earned money to some outfit who squanders it on expensively painted cards, postage and a general paper mountain instead using all the money directly to sponsor their cause.  I also received a few sample cards by another charity that supports harmless artists – no wait – I read that wrong it meant ‘armless’.  Apparently those cards have been painted with their feet.  I recoil somewhat and hastily drop those cards but then read on that no these are just printed versions of it.  Anyway, I suppose I can always hand out those cards foisted on me if I am trapped into some kind card standoff.  But I did get one electronic festive message so that made me snigger – it reads ‘Have a Dreary Christmas and Crappy New Year’.  A kindred spirit!