Turkish Delight – Part Deux
October 16, 2009
The other day I had a nice email asking me if I would pop over to Istanbul and how much I would charge. Now, now don’t scoff – this could be genuine and not necessarily a ploy to kidnap moi and keep me in a harem forcing me to linger on a banquette eating nougat. Actually, I had a similar query not long ago and the gent in fact followed my suggestion to come to London instead and order me as a delicious take-out…
Generally, so I am a teeny petit bit doubtful about gents who seem madly keen to fly me half way round the world, as if there are no wenches closer. Or just like, there is no coal in Newcastle, owls in Athens or sand in the deserts surrounding Dubai. Yes you are detecting a petit whiff of Eau de Sarcasm. Often such mad requests are the poetic, fictional oeuvres of dreamers who would like to indulge in a fantasy. But even in the rare events of a genuine request to travel – I personally would like to meet the gent closer to my shores first before travelling anywhere. Or easier and quite frankly far more economic is to find an excuse to come to the Big Smoke and spend some quality time with me here in London. Yes an outcall beyond the city or indeed national borders would involve meeting all my travel expenses, accommodation plus any other costs that arise from travelling, not to mention paying not only for the time of our tryst but for the time it takes to journey there and back. Otherwise it would hardly be worth it to spend 2 hours in Barcelona!
But most emails that promise to whisk me off to some glamorous destination might originate from a laptop in a little bedsit of a wishful student. Such as was my latest ardent Turkish admirer who wanted to know how much it would cost to book me to come and see him in Istanbul. He was genuinely surprised that it would cost him probably the equivalent of his entire student grant and tuition fees. At least, he actually confessed to being a financially challenged Fine Art student presumably hoping to make me his great white Odalisque. While I sympathise and understand that students in most countries need to lead a more frugal life – I don’t unfortunately provide my services Pro bono. There is only one charity I support which is SIN – Strumpets in Need. Sadly, impoverished students need not apply. Anyway, I sent a nice and kind reply explaining that his budget would not stretch to any visit of moi. Plus I expressed a little surprise that given his rather pecuniary challenged status I was astonished that he even contacted me. Now I get the notion that people might peruse my site a bit like cyber window shopping. I even understand the temptation to send a little booking query, bit like venturing into Louboutin’s little shop and trying on some real croc leather stilettos that require remortgaging your home. Anyway, despite making it clear that I had little interest in acquiring a new impoverished Turkish pen friend, my student paramour then kept emailing me to ask me to chat online to discuss spending time with me and of course he needed to see me ‘life’. Just wondering what part of ‘No money – no Honey!’ is a little unclear….
Just passed a pharmacy in Central London which ought to win some prize in the most caring and sensitive approach to their ailing customers. Some of you might foolishly think that a professional outlet specialising in dispensing medicinal drugs would uphold the Hippocratic Oath and show some compassion for the sick. Mmmmh, how foolish of you! I marvelled at the large notices, prominently displayed in both windows and on the doors of this temple of healing. It stated in beautiful prose ‘Do not enter this pharmacy if you suffer from Swine Flu’. Mmmmh, what next, do the afflicted need to dress in coarse hessian sacks and ring a loud bell while shouting ‘Unclean’? I am obviously utterly misguided about the fundamental purpose of an apothecary that one enters to purchase remedies even if suffering from Bubonic Plague or otherwise known as Man Flu. Do those with porky sniffles need to stand 50 paces away from the entrance awaiting the dispensing pharmacist’s deft and precise lobbing of their Tamiflu pack at the modern answer to the leprous? Are these antiviral drugs that effective that they can be administered from a great distance? My inner Imp is tempted to purchase a pink snout mask and curly little tail to enter this hostile terrain while sniffling loudly…
Seems my pondering about the paranormal yielded an unexpected response. Just tried to access certain ‘hobbyist’ forums, ahem, and instead find myself kept out and prevented from viewing certain sites of an adult nature by a parental control lock. Is it my father reaching out from beyond the grave trying to protect my innocence and virtue? But dear papa – don’t you think it is little late for such parental concern?
